Friday, April 29, 2005
today did not go too well
we were supposed to be at the operating theatre this morning
but the lady in charge of us did not turn up
so we were sent to wait outside the ot
for some reason
both of us were so tired that we slept for one and a half hours
even so
after we woke up
the person was STILL not there
so we thought of going to see the doctor whom we will be attached to in the afternoon first
"oh...the doctor is at the operating theatre...he's finishing his operation soon..."
grrrrrrrr
just missed another chance to observe a surgery
[Jay Rawks`]
at 1:59 AM
Thursday, April 28, 2005
i was sitting in the toilet that day....
the radio was playing this music from Fantasia...i tink...
it's the music they used to play when we were walking back to the classrooms from the quadrangle....
i was thrown back to those nanyang days...
i tink we had been listening to that music for at least one and a half years then
turn the clock back and let me walk that route again...
[Jay Rawks`]
at 4:16 AM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
nigel & i
[Jay Rawks`]
at 6:04 AM
[Jay Rawks`]
at 6:03 AM
raj-our soft-spoken and friendly ot =)
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:55 AM
my locker...haha...so wu2 liao2...=)
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:54 AM
a bottle of propanone
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:52 AM
pouring a bottle of propanone
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:51 AM
this is nigel...a student on attachment =)
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:49 AM
so this is how they sterilize scissors...hmmm...
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:47 AM
haha...guess what is this? a hair dryer? certainly looks like one...but...=p
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:45 AM
guess what is this?
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:42 AM
haha...this is me=)
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:39 AM
so the back of my hair looks like dat...haha...does it look different from what u last saw, lindz?
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:38 AM
see that dustbin...that was where i saw THE rat jump out from..quite freaky..but was surprised that i didn scream...haha...probably too stoned to scream...=p
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:36 AM
one of the shoes here was eaten away by THE rat
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:34 AM
betty and raj at the pantry
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:31 AM
heidi!! hc senior hehe...=)
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:29 AM
florence, the acting manager for the ot dept
[Jay Rawks`]
at 5:27 AM
i walked out of the hall feeling totally pissed and exhausted
we had the admissions written test for medicine today
all i can say is i screwed up the essay
super sad
i was in no mood to do the psychometric test after that
i know the question is tough and every one complains that it is bad
but when u are competing against 628 other applicants who are the super super genius from RJ and HC
i just can't help but feel that my chances are very slim
i m suddenly very fearful for the first time in my life that
i can't do something i so much want to do
just called shunwei
both of us were groaning and complaining over the phone
panicking and kept saying we dunno wat to do
haiz
that didn really help
even so
i guess life has to go on no matter what happens
[Jay Rawks`]
at 4:12 AM
Friday, April 22, 2005
i know i should be grateful for whatever i have
but i can't stop noticing the imperfections in me
especially after looking at the photos i took
my face is too big
my nose is too round
my eyes are too small
my hair is curly and dry
my complexion is bad
i have no figure
i feel so superfical
bothering myself over these frivolous things
i advise people to have confidence in themselves
but i realise i don't practise what i preach
people say that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
is that really true?
why then is there always a common notion of a beautiful girl?
oval-shaped face
sharp nose
big eyes
smooth porcelain skin
nice long flowy hair
they say character is more important than the looks
but can one really be totally oblivious towards one's own looks?
why is it that they say the first impression is very important?
why is there so much emphasis these days on image and beauty?
why am i seeing so many ads that keep persuading people to enlarge their breasts or go for slimming?
i realise i am growing cynical of what people say
i have seen it in school
it's all the pretty out-going girls who get the guys and all the attention they want
girls like me just sit at the side and look on
it's not that i want a boyfriend or attention
but i just feel that i will never have that chance
because in the first place i dun even have that first impression to start off with
i know some girls wanna look chio
but for me i just want to look acceptable
but i can never seem to get even that far
i thought i have straightened out my thoughts
but it seemed that i haven't
[Jay Rawks`]
at 8:22 PM
this entry was inspired by a person who asked me for my name today...on the way back home...my mind was filled with my past experiences with names...first and foremost
for those who dunno the meaning of "
nylraep@hotmail.com"
nylraep
that's my name, pearlyn, spelled backwards
mum told me dat she used to have a classmate whose name is pearly
so when she had me
she wanted to give me this name too
for pearly was a girl she admired a lot
but her best friend, aunt jenny, suggested adding an "n" at the back
and my mum tot it sounded good
hence
pearlyn
i have always been hesitant when it comes to telling people that my name is pearlyn
in kindergarten
girls had names like charmaine, cheryl, samantha, marissa, vivian...
they sounded much more girlish and feminine than my name
or so i thought
my name was like
weird
in primary school
it was a very chinese kind of environment
so i was so grateful dat my mum didn add my english name into my birth cert
and so i was weizhen to everybody
and this happily continued until i was in jc
and when i started working
my mum told me to use my english name
and so i have been using pearlyn all the way from maybank to ttsh
this brings a dilemma
should i introduce myself as weizhen or pearlyn when i go to uni?
sometimes i think the names that people call u are unique ways of remembering your experiences with them
i can remember how irritated i used to feel when ivan calls me red apple
but come to think of it, that was quite cute too
when weiping calls me "squarish", he says it in this very tone that makes be both annoyed and amused
when albert calls me weizhen, with the emphasis on the "zh" sound, haha...it always gives me the feeling that he is always trying to act serious
and of course
when lindz calls me zhenzi...hehe...i dun tink i need to describe this feeling lar...haha...so mushy...
[Jay Rawks`]
at 3:33 AM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
wednesday
20/4/2005
bad bad day.
i was so tired when i got out of bed
for some reason
i woke up suddenly last night at around 3am
and couldn't sleep after that
maybe i was worried about the applications
worried about the written test this sunday
anyway
i was really tired
never felt so tired b4 since coming to ttsh
followed mei leng to the wards
she was so patient in explaining to me those neuro and cardio terms
i was really interested
but i could feel my attention span waning by the second
i couldn't focus on wat she was trying to tell me
i was momentarily awoken when i saw this old man called salim
a stroke patient
when we saw him
he was foaming at the mouth
slouched on the chair
murmurring to himself
and his right leg had been amputated
it was really heart-wrenching
it was worst to hear from mei leng that his chances of regaining full functions is near zero.
when we left
i heard him shout and moan
it was really sad
my decision to be a doctor has never felt more right.
i guess that incident really affected me when i got back to the pantry
maybe because i was also tired
i felt so listless and lethargic
jo asked me where i went
i said i was at the wards
i felt i didn even feel the energy to answer her
i was supposed to go for lunch with shunwei
but i didn even feel like eating
felt really bad
she had to eat her lunch somewhere else
cos i bought two kuehs and just wanted to sleep at the pantry
end of lunch
i felt really feverish after waking up from the nap
my face was really hot and i was shivering
i realised i couldn take it anymore
so told heidi and mei leng dat i had to go home
a weird thing happened to me on my way back
i felt a sudden urge to cut my hair
i got home and called my mum to tell her i wanted to cut my hair
got scolded instead
she ordered me to bed
haiz
still gotta take panadol
[Jay Rawks`]
at 12:27 AM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
taking each day as it comes
[Jay Rawks`]
at 4:09 AM
Monday, April 18, 2005
my confidence is waning
why is this so?
i can't explain.
[Jay Rawks`]
at 2:45 AM
Friday, April 15, 2005
you are absolutely right lindzeee...when u miss sth...u cling on to watever that's left...
A week of volunteer work at ttsh has just gone by like that
it feels like a breeze
but i am really happy to have been helping out at the occupational therapy department =)
my ot rocks!!! she's so super nice and patient with me
you can better understand how nice she is only when i tell u how blur i have been
i started programming the BTE machine for a patient without fitting in the gripping tool
i stamped my ot's name upside down on the form
i happily assumed left to be right
i mixed up flexion and extension
and each time i make a blunder
she would say "never mind"with a smile
goodness, i sometimes wish the hc teachers *the HC BIO DEPT BETTER HEAR THIS* can be like her...in any case..my ot was from hwa chong!!!!
really happy +))) to be working with my senior
she's from 93S22(i tink is S22)
exactly ten years older than me!!
she was quite horrified to find out that S2 is kind of wiped out now
and she's so super pro
she's friendly, alert, and decisive
wow
i wish i could be like her
[Jay Rawks`]
at 8:51 AM
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
= ___ =
i m pissed.
i m pissed with *e*ra and ivan.
ivan: u really just pissed me off that night with that stupid irritating crap of yours and when i asked u what happened, u just refused to reply my msg and treat as if nth has happened. wait till i sink my teeth in you.
i m just so disappointed in my mortal...i mean...u just paid lip service to watever i say...so i was so wrong and so stupid about this entire crap. u said u will find out...but wat happened? no replies...nth...
alright
continue with all that crap. continue with all that teasing. i dun care anymore.
haiz...was just reading lindzee's entry just now...it really pains me to see that you are suffering so much over there =( it feels worst when i can't do anything but talk to you and console you...i wish i could do sth for you to make you feel better...
yesterday night...i was thinking about the night you left...i felt that same feeling of sadness overwhelming me again...suddenly...i feel that fate is really cruel...so it has to be this constant separation that torments me...
right now, i m just hoping that the three months when lindz is back will be like forever.
Here's a list of what we are going to do(cheer up lindzee!!!!)
*pardon me for having to be so mechanical cos there's really a lot of things we wanna do!!
1. EAT: satay, laksa, chicken rice, prawn mee, mee rubus, nasi lemak, bao1, popiah... hc canteen's mixed veg rice, fish slice soup noodles, yong tau fu(oooo our favourite auntie!!), doraemon biscuit
2. JAY: watch jay chou concert vcd, read Grandeur de D Major(Jay's book+D), listen to all the jay chou songs, play jay's songs on the piano, haha...plotting of how to get rid of Patty Hou... OH YES... memorise all of the lyrics of his songs!!!!!
3. Botanical Gardens: haha...go for a morning walk at the Botanical Gardens..hmm...already looking forward to it very much~~~~~~
4. Stayover: make koniyaku jelly, watch tv, watch jay on vcd, tok crap...haha..blogging together!!!
5. watch a good movie...i realised that we haven't watched a movie since the end of j1 i tink...we watched this movie( i can't rmb the title), starring George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones
6. SWIMMING!!!!!!! we have said that we wanna do this for a long time...must do it!!!
7. Go back to NANYANG to see our teachers...mr chan, mrs wong,mrs seah, wu2 lao3 shi1, mrs ho, mr khoo(a pair of compass...hahaha), darling mrsss yeo, and meet up with our class 4/9!!! ooo...miss lilian, grace, jingwen, entian, sherilyn, wenying, cao yu, liu qian, qinghan, ronglin, zhao lu, ee hunk, kay ying...haiz...
8. haha...take photos!!
[Jay Rawks`]
at 8:28 AM
