Thursday, September 15, 2005
our blog has been stagnant for quite some time..
haiz..
it was an emotional rollercoaster..at least for me
i have so much to say
so much that i want to say
but now that i am typing
i find it hard to put it into words
i thought close to one year of not seeing lindsay taught me how to accept having your best friend over on the other side for the next 4 years
but no..i realised on the week before she left that i haven't really learnt to accept it
it was really sad..really very sad to see her leave again..
i really don't know how to put this elegantly..
and i know a lot of people out there don't understand why i am feeling so sad over "just a friend'.
but when u have a friend whom you can clique so well with, a friend who understands you, a friend who shares your sorrow and joy
the feeling is just different
yeah..i am a sentimental, emotional person
not good at all at handling partings and stuff like that...
and also not at all good at warming up to new friends
the school that i am currently in
the faculty that i am currently in
reeks of superficiality( to quote amanda in paperbagnick..haha)
the people...
i really can't stand a lot of them
i mean..there are really nice people out there whom i treasure..
but the majority is simply...unbearable!
the conversations they hold...they are so full of frivolous topics
the jokes they crack...not funny at all..but u laugh because everyone is laughing..and everyone is laughing to make it look like it is really funny
i feel like an oddball
because i cant fit in
i am not someone who will join in and partake in all that superficial talk
i prefer to distance myself from them and find people whom i can better relate to
and thus
i feel weird
weirdo
weirdo doc
and the dean says we are supposed to be sociable creatures
we are supposed to know 1000 other future colleagues by the time we graduate
great
and look at me
i feel that my emotional support
that network of support
is like..dying
i know i should be thankful for still having true friends around me
but my life here is truly miserable
i can't believe i said that
because i was never one to say such things in hwa chong
even though our jc class was segregated along the gender lines
i really really miss them now
even the guys in our class
who are always so funny
even though we might not always hang out together
but it was really great seeing all the girls and guys going back for maf
singing the songs we sang in j1 orientation
dancing the dances
and most of all
just immersing ourselves in that homely feeling
now
i am just telling myself that i go to n** just to be a doc
i am not even intending to enjoy myself there
sounds pessimistic?
haiz
i know it is bad
but i am trying
trying really hard
[Jay Rawks`]
at 8:13 AM
